family life

How to Stay Fit in Your Marriage

| Rachel Boulos

how to stay fit in your marriage

If January was the health month, then February is the month of love. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and soon many of our thoughts will be consumed with showing love to our closest friends and family.

This year, I am focusing on getting healthy physically, spiritually, and relationally. I plan to devote a large portion of my blog posts to these particular topics! February is just another good reminder of the importance of relationships. The next few weeks you will see a multi-post series on 4 exercises that will help you stay fit in your marriage.

I am writing this series on marriage because I need it. And maybe you need it too. I’ll be honest; I learn best from my own shortcomings and failures. And just when I think I’ve got this thing figured out, I get another dose of reality that leaves me humbled. But the best part about community is that we can learn and grow together. So join me these next couples weeks as I share the vital lessons I am learning from my own marriage.

If you’re not married, check out my earlier post on Finding Mr. Right: 10 insights from those who are married.

Don’t Be Surprised

Being healthy takes work. And lots of it. Marriage is no different. A good marriage is not something you automatically start out with on your wedding day. It’s something that is carefully and intentionally crafted over time.

Marriage is hard. So don’t be surprised when you hit some bumps along the way. The race is long and the road can be rocky. You may not be able to avoid the tough times, but you can prepare for them. Continue reading →

Believing in Santa: is it naughty or nice?

| Rachel Boulos

is believing in Santa naughty or niceKids naturally love the idea of Santa. I mean, what’s not to love? His eyes twinkle, he brings toys, his favorite snack is cookies, and he lives in a land of magic. There’s a superhero, supernatural element to him. Not to mention you get to climb on his lap, tell him everything you’ve ever wanted, and know he’ll deliver. He’s basically the embodiment of the best grandparent ever.

Maybe you never gave Santa a passing thought. Then you had kids. Suddenly you’re at a crossroad. Is teaching your kids about Santa naughty or nice?

Christians seem to especially wrestle with this. After all, the real meaning of Christmas is the baby in the manger not the man in the sleigh. But Santa and his reindeer are everywhere. Try as you might, your child is bound to ask questions and get swept up in the excitement. As a parent, you may feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle to keep Christ at the center of Christmas.

So what do you do? Is there any harm in believing in Santa? Should you preserve the imagination of childhood? Do you get your kids to buy into an idea you know to be fiction and fantasy? What happens when they discover the truth? How will they rationalize that Santa is a fake? Will they feel duped? Lied to? Worse yet, will they wonder if other unseen figures – like Jesus – are also a fabrication of the mind?

These are tough questions to wrestle with as a parent. If you feel torn between fantasy and fact this season, let me ease your fears. I would like to propose a radical idea this Christmas:

Contrary to popular opinion, Santa and Jesus are not archenemies. They are not battling it out to see who wins the center of Christmas this year. You do not have to vote one of them off your Christmas list. You can teach your kids about Santa and still keep Christ in Christmas. How? I’m so glad you asked… Continue reading →

How to find rest this Christmas

| Rachel Boulos

rest6I may just go insane. It’s December 6th and I’m already starting to panic.

In a whirlwind, we blew in the door this week after a long Thanksgiving trip with family. Two days of laundry, unpacking, working, meal planning – just trying to catch back up with life. One holiday down, another to go. The clock is ticking and the to-do list is growing a mile long.

It’s December 6th and my house is still full of pumpkins and leaves. No decking the halls, no Christmas tree, no fa-la-la-la-la. The calendar is chock-full of birthday parties to shop for, christmas parties to plan, cookies to bake, cards to order, gifts to wrap, lists to make, stockings to stuff, and friends to see. And what’s that I feel? A little tingling and scratch in the back of my throat? Ok, my stress is official. How will I ever get the lights strung, the carols sung, or my shopping done if I am sick!?

And if I don’t already have enough to worry about, the guy in the checkout line asked me if I was ready for Christmas. Seriously? It’s the sixth day of December for crying out loud! But of course he is ready. Enter feelings of inadequacy and the guilt of comparison. Not all of us can keep up with Pinterest, Pottery Barn, and the Joneses, you know.

I found myself stressing all the way home. The Christmas season seemed so short and the days so few. As I pulled into our neighborhood, I found myself suddenly admiring all the beautiful blues, reds, greens, and whites glistening around me. And just when I started to relax and enjoy the moment, I saw it. My house. Dark amid the Christmas cheer, sticking out like a sore thumb. With pumpkins on the porch. Another reminder and clear giveaway that I was way behind schedule. Bah humbug.

For some, Christmas may not be the most wonderful time of year. Overcrowded schedules, to-do lists, expectations, loss, financial hardship, loneliness, and family drama can make the stress seem insurmountable. But whatever the situation, I believe we can choose rest instead of stress this season. Continue reading →

The Masquerade: why you must remove your mask

| Rachel Boulos

why you must remove your maskAs a homeowner, I look forward to trick-or-treating every year. My husband and I carve pumpkins, grab our favorite TV show, and wait with anticipation. While I’m not a fan of Halloween, I do look forward to the doorbell ringing and greeting a cast of characters with handfuls of sweets.

Rain or shine, today we will be the ones on the sidewalk going door to door with Iron Man and Superman leading the way! And while I feel like a kid again and have eagerly packed “goodie bags” for such an occasion, the activity conjures up another mask in question.

This mask is not for kids. And it is not reserved for special occasions. In fact, it seems to be worn throughout most of the year. This mask hides flaws. It misrepresents. It is the paraphernalia of an act, one that has been performed throughout the years. This mask is worn for others. This mask is mine.

Getting me to admit my masquerade has been a long time coming. I felt the effects long before I recognized the cause. Even as these words leave my fingertips, my heart flutters a little with insecurity. But I’m going to be honest with you. Because maybe you’re like me. It all started a couple months ago with Donald Miller’s book, Scary Close (awesome read, by the way). Within the first few pages I knew I had a problem. Like the author, I have been an actor on the stage of life. Performing for others in order to receive the applause of acceptance and affirmation. I rehearse my lines so I can deliver them with ease. I disguised myself and therefore deceived myself.

Maybe you do this too. Perhaps you’re an actor on your own stage, performing for the people in your life in order to get something in return: significance, love, acceptance, forgiveness, recognition, fame, fortune, the list goes on and on. Somewhere along the line we’ve all learned that we aren’t enough. That there is something wrong with us. So we overcompensate. We carefully craft a mask to wear that we know will be pleasing to others. As Miller says, we all have an ace card that, when all else fails, we know we can play with success.

It got me thinking. What is my ace card? And what’s yours? What mask have I worn over the years that has yielded positive results? That has given me the affirmation I always wanted? And then it came to me. While yours may be intelligence, humor, money, or service, mine is Continue reading →

Grateful for Dirty Dishes: yes, you read that right

| Rachel Boulos

grateful for dirty dishesI have a love-hate relationship with dishes. I love discovering a unique piece for my cupboards. I love crackle glass and how it makes everything look so fancy. When I pour coffee into my favorite teal mug and hold it between my palms, all seems right with the world.

But I hate washing them. Nothing annoys or stresses me out more than to come home and see a mountain of dirty dishes encroaching on my counter space. On more than one occasion I have been known to stockpile them to one side, thinking that if I just build a tower in the corner it will delay my fate for another couple hours…or days. How can our tasty dinner so easily turn into a bacteria nightmare?! When my workout for the day consists of scrubbing who knows what out of my pan, it just makes me crabby. I would rather do an entire day of laundry. I would rather scrub toilets. I would rather iron my husband’s dress shirts….no wait. That might be worse. Don’t get me started on those stubborn, antagonizing folds. And those taunting collars.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes.

So you can imagine my distress when I started our dishwasher the other week and was met with silence. I think my heart might have skipped a beat. I tried again. Nothing. Our faithful friend had finally breathed its last. And the reality of my future began to set in. I was now the dishwasher. Truth be told, I may have panicked a little. Continue reading →

Why you must lose your leaves this season

girl in woods falling leaves
| Rachel Boulos

 

It wasn’t until I moved north that Fall took on a whole new meaning. The charming season now warms a special place in my heart. The very word conjures up memories of apple picking, pumpkin carving, hot cider, and the delicious aroma of Grandma’s pie baking in the oven!

Every year I look forward to pulling out my weathered box from its nestled place in the basement, rediscovering the rustic decor that will soon adorn my home. This year, as I sat down to admire my handiwork, my eye caught a glimpse of the trees out back. Tall and proud, they line the yard with their fiery blaze of reds, oranges, and yellows announcing that summer is officially gone and winter is sure to come.

Soaking in the moment, I was suddenly struck by the irony of it all. The very leaves I admire are actually dying before my very eyes. The thought was slightly disturbing and fascinating all at the same time.

How could death be so beautiful?

I was compelled to rustle through my memory from the old school days when we learned about the abscission of deciduous trees (science words make my head hurt). If the trees were going to survive the season, they must toughen up and dispose of their leaves. Not only is the loss of the leaves important but the nutrients that are received from that loss, and the chance for regrowth, is what guarantees longevity and new life in the spring.

I’ll be honest. Science makes me yawn. But as I gazed at the foliage, God whispered in my heart. There was something I needed to learn from the leaves. Continue reading →

Finding Mr. Right: 10 insights from those who are married

| Rachel Boulos

Finding Mr. Right 10 insights from those married

A recent shift in American culture has now made it more appealing to be single. In fact, there are now slightly more people staying single than getting married. But for those of you still searching for your soul mate, this post is for you.

While the waiting game can be long and tedious, it’s important to have realistic expectations about what you’re waiting for. I feel many are searching for their soul mate and dreaming of their fairy tale wedding without a real understanding of what marriage entails.

So for all my single friends out there, keep this advice in mind when you’re searching for Mr. Right: Continue reading →

A Note to Parents from Friends without Kids

| Rachel Boulos

a note to parents from friends without kids

Just in the past few months 21 of our closest friends and family have announced a pregnancy. Twenty-one. It’s like my world went crazy and exploded with little babies.

With each birth announcement, I feel the distance grow a little more between us and our friends around us. Now, most of our conversations revolve around the fascination with their mini-me. We love our friends and their kids. But it’s hard. It’s a different world, one we aren’t currently a part of. As we learn to navigate this new transition stage, there are a 4 things I would really like to tell parents from those of us on “the other side”. Continue reading →