Why Fessing Up is Good for Your Marriage

confess your mess and stay humble in marriageThe word confess sounds intimidating, but it’s really not. In fact, all my relationships – including my marriage – depend on it. And so do yours.

Too often the idea of sharing our dirty laundry with others makes us feel nervous, unsafe, and too vulnerable. So we put on a good face and keep the bad stuff hidden from sight. Continue reading

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4 Successful Ways to Listen to Your Spouse

4 successful ways to listen to your spouseI thought I was a great listener. Then I got married.

Funny how marriage has a way of exposing your shortcomings and bad habits. What about you? Do you listen well?

Here are a few of the telltale signs you might be struggling:

  • You interrupt when your spouse is still speaking.
  • You finish your spouse’s sentences.
  • When confronted, you are quick to defend your position.
  • You explain yourself ad nauseam.
  • You give an answer before hearing the speaker out.
  • In a conflict, you focus more on how to fix your own hurt than that of your spouse.
  • You look for loopholes in your spouse’s argument so you can point out where he/she is wrong.
  • You get easily distracted by your own thoughts in a conversation.
  • You find yourself tuning out when the topic of conversation is boring.
  • You get “emotionally hooked” on certain words you find hurtful or offensive.

Truth be told, I do all of these. It’s embarrassing to admit but I commit at least one of these on a regular basis. Continue reading

52 Acts of Love for Your Valentine

52 acts of love for your valentineI find Valentine’s Day a little heavy on the feminine side. The options are plentiful when it comes to gifts: cards, flowers, chocolate, dinner, jewelry, a massage, a night out…the romantic list is endless. All a guy has to do is pick one. But what about the men? Where is the masculine side of Hallmark when you need it most?

My husband is an amazing gift giver. He can pick up on the smallest cues throughout the year and actually remember them. Then surprise me year after year with his thoughtfulness. Me on the other hand? Horribly uncreative. The week before V-day I’m googling the web for “awesome gift ideas for my husband on valentine’s day”. Lame, I know. Gifts are just not my forte. Neither is acts of service. Go figure I’m married to a man who excels at both.

Can a girl get a witness?? Continue reading

How to Stay Fit in Your Marriage

how to stay fit in your marriage

If January was the health month, then February is the month of love. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and soon many of our thoughts will be consumed with showing love to our closest friends and family.

This year, I am focusing on getting healthy physically, spiritually, and relationally. I plan to devote a large portion of my blog posts to these particular topics! February is just another good reminder of the importance of relationships. The next few weeks you will see a multi-post series on 4 exercises that will help you stay fit in your marriage.

I am writing this series on marriage because I need it. And maybe you need it too. I’ll be honest; I learn best from my own shortcomings and failures. And just when I think I’ve got this thing figured out, I get another dose of reality that leaves me humbled. But the best part about community is that we can learn and grow together. So join me these next couples weeks as I share the vital lessons I am learning from my own marriage.

If you’re not married, check out my earlier post on Finding Mr. Right: 10 insights from those who are married.

Don’t Be Surprised

Being healthy takes work. And lots of it. Marriage is no different. A good marriage is not something you automatically start out with on your wedding day. It’s something that is carefully and intentionally crafted over time.

Marriage is hard. So don’t be surprised when you hit some bumps along the way. The race is long and the road can be rocky. You may not be able to avoid the tough times, but you can prepare for them. Continue reading

Finding Mr. Right: 10 insights from those who are married

Finding Mr. Right 10 insights from those married

A recent shift in American culture has now made it more appealing to be single. In fact, there are now slightly more people staying single than getting married. But for those of you still searching for your soul mate, this post is for you.

While the waiting game can be long and tedious, it’s important to have realistic expectations about what you’re waiting for. I feel many are searching for their soul mate and dreaming of their fairy tale wedding without a real understanding of what marriage entails.

So for all my single friends out there, keep this advice in mind when you’re searching for Mr. Right: Continue reading

7 Tips for Understanding Your Strong-Willed Spouse

7 tips for understanding your strong-willed spouse

After reading the article, “Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child” circling social media, I couldn’t resist writing this post. Insightful and practical, I quietly snickered as I read through the characteristics of a “difficult” and willful child. As my parents can attest to, this article accurately described a picture of my childhood. My parents would joke that all they had to do was look at my sister when she was in trouble and she would cry. Me on the other hand? My parents would look at me and I would boldly stare right back at them.

As the article explains, strong-willed children are difficult to parent because they have their own ideas and ways of doing things and don’t like being told what to do. However, if parents can guide their strong spirit and “resist the impulse to ‘break their will’, strong-willed kids often become leaders.”

This was great advice for parents. But what happens when that strong-willed child grows up? Parenting is one thing. Being married to a strong-willed spouse is quite another. Continue reading

Little Moments of Marriage: 8 ways to stay connected to your spouse

marriage04

Our relationship has been pelted by many storms. Our vow to remain faithful “in sickness and in health” became a sobering reality when my health suddenly declined and I became all but crippled for a number of months. Many other physical and emotional issues have threatened our sense of stability and intimacy. These experiences forced us to find ways to stay strong and connected in our marriage. As the storms cleared, we saw how God uses the little moments to keep us anchored when we weather the hard times.

A good marriage is not something you automatically start out with on your wedding day. It is something that is carefully and intentionally crafted over time. Change how you handle the little moments each day and you can change your marriage! Your past doesn’t have to predict your future.

A great marriage is the result of a thousand great little moments. Here are a few little things we have found helpful in staying connected through the stormy seasons. Continue reading

The Broken Road: my journey with disease

the broken road my journey with diseaseIt started out as a normal summer day and we couldn’t have been more thrilled. Hubs and I had just purchased our very first home. And it was yellow. I had prayed for yellow. Moving day was set, our boxes packed. We were moving right along with our list of goals: New house, check. Jobs, check. Furniture, check. Search for a dog, check. Our future was looking bright.

And then it happened. Something didn’t feel quite right. My energy started to fail and I found myself getting easily fatigued. Over the next few weeks my knees began to swell until they became the size of cantaloupes. As the swelling increased, the pain grew. It hurt to walk, it hurt to stand, it hurt to move.

I spent my 30th birthday and a good part of that year battling a crippling disease. Instead of gracefully waltzing into a new decade, I hobbled my way through. Within two weeks of our move I became confined to our couch, utterly fatigued without even enough energy to make myself a sandwich. Even hobbling across the floor to the bathroom became a tremendous feat. My body was rapidly breaking down before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. Continue reading